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Bahahaha

I know too many dorito girls. Or maybe just too many girls who look like they had their hands in the doritos bag (spray tan)

Askhole...I know some!

Askhole: 2 people in my life do this, the only difference is that they know what they want to do, but for whatever reason still asks "what should I do? so fucking annoying.

Laugh because it's funny

Yes, my baby birds died.but I couldn't help but giggle at this. Baby birds don't poop on cars, only in the nest :)

If I answer, you're special ;)

I hate voicemails. I don't have a voicemail box for this reason. Either text me or I'll see that you called and call back when I get a chance.

Funny-Quotes-I-dont-know-karate-but-I-do-know-crazy-and-Im-not-afraid-to-use-it.jpg (320×320)

I don't know karate but I do know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it. Funny Quotes Of The Week – 35 Pics i know karate AND crazy

"Mama said there'd be days like this, there'd be days like this, my mama said."

For those bad days.I have no words to describe this day. I do, however, have a ton of obscene gestures.

Best email ever recieved

This is so true. And I love that this is totally how most of my friends' stories start!

Nurses

I call that "slaphappy." You get so tired, that you are to the point of being dazed and goofy and weird, all at the same time.

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"I don't exactly hate you but if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it." <--- Haha, I hate saying this but sometimes I feel this way towards some people!

I Say What I Mean, but I Don't Say it Meanly: Karma isn't always a ...

Dear karma I have a list of people you missed. And you will definitely get your karma for all the things you have done and said. And your karma is gonna be twice as bad!

Oh you look so familiar - hahaha. That's hilarious, I'm gonna have to try that one.

Oh you look so familiar

That would be awesome, if only I could say it and keep a straight face. hahaha I get told I look familiar all the time!so funny.

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Tonight my husband and I went to Newks. I look over at him and a mosquito is sucking his left cheek. I tenderly with love slap his face. I say mosquito because it really was! I so thought of this quote!

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