Because losing someone isn't an occasion or an event. It doesn't just happen once. It happens over and over again. I lose you every time. Every time I'm kept in the dark. Every time I'm outcasted. Every time I have unanswered questions.
Your first love isn't always the first person you kiss, or first person you date. Your first love is the person you always compare everyone to. The person that you will never truly get over, even when you've convinced yourself you've moved on.
I feel that way sometimes when a person tells you that you were doing something terribly wrong or everyone ob the team starts shouting at you "why didn't you do this or this, now we lost because of you.